barron, Author at Suzanne A. Barron

What If Resentment is a Good Thing?

barron — Mon, 12 Jun 2023 18:47:06 +0000

According to Cait Donovan, expert on burnout and creator of the podcast Fried, resentment is our superpower as it lets us know where a boundary is missing.

Over the last week, I’ve taken a closer look at my boundaries, particularly my inner boundaries. Often, when we speak of boundaries, we think of others crossing our boundaries, but a lot of times, we cross our own boundaries. Here are a couple of examples:

1) Have you ever asked a bunch of people (or even one) for their opinion and then gotten annoyed when you didn’t get the answer you wanted? I did that more when I was younger, but there have been times I’ve done it more recently. I’ve even garnered resentment against X person/people because they didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear – how crazy is that? All I really needed to do was spend some quiet time on my own because the answer was within me all along. I asked others because I wanted to make sure they were okay with what I was about to do — when in reality it had nothing to do with them. Does this sound familiar?

2) Someone asks you to do something for them. You’re exhausted or otherwise previously engaged, but you do it anyway, either by forcing yourself to find the energy or ignoring the plans you already had. I wonder how helpful we really are to X person when we show up full of resentment – they don’t get our best and we don’t give our best. What if we simply said, “I can’t or I already have plans?” The person asking might be disappointed at the time, but that’s not our responsibility.

3) While you are away on vacation, you check your emails even though you have a fantastic team who is handling everything in your absence. That one peek erased the peaceful mindset you had been cultivating while away. Suddenly, you’re angry at x client or team member for contacting you while on vacation. Did you really need to look at your emails? Was it simply habit? Or ego and the need to feel needed?

Of course, there are times when we feel like we are pulling weight for others, and we need to speak up and let them know how we feel/what we need.

Resentment helps to shine a light on what we’re feeling and can point us towards a solution if we take the time to contemplate the situation.

Cait suggests keeping a resentment journal. Simply writing it out can help us to feel better and can give us awareness of where we’ve overlooked a boundary.

Jin Shin Jyutsu for resentment: Hold your thumb, either one for five minutes or more focusing on your inhales and exhales. Your thumb helps calm worry, resentment, pre-occupation and more.

The post What If Resentment is a Good Thing? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

Is your fear real or imagined?

barron — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 19:38:09 +0000

Is the fear that is holding you back right now, real or imagined?

Often, it’s imagined. Our mind creates worst case scenarios to keep us safe and to keep us from proceeding forward. That can happen even when the threat is real.

On Easter Sunday, I was hiking with my family on Saur Mountain in Washington state. The trail was steep but smooth—no rocks. At the base, there were walking sticks. I took one look and thought, why would I need a walking stick on this? It’s only steep. About a quarter of a mile up, the landscape completely changed. The trail narrowed to two feet wide. In some places, it wasn’t more than eighteen inches wide. The orchards around us disappeared, replaced by thousand plus foot drop-offs. For miles ahead, all I could see was the trail hugging the edge of the mountain. I froze. I couldn’t take another step. I announced I was turning around. I’d wait at the bottom. I hadn’t wanted to quit but I also didn’t want to die. My husband and son somehow convinced me to keep going. They found a stick for me to use as a walking stick.

On the way down, I realized that it was my perception that had caused most of my fear. While parts of the trail were treacherous—most of it had patches of grass or even woods before the deadly drop off. Locked in fear, I hadn’t been able to see the whole picture.

But we do that, right? Our perception goes awry, and we don’t want to make that phone call or send that email. Our minds turn something stressful into a life-or-death situation. In instances like that – the email or the phone call, not the hike on the mountain, it’s helpful to disassociate—to allow our lens to grow wider. Instead of putting the focus on what will happen if we, for example, call a doctor’s office or pitch a new business, put some distance between yourself and that action. Literally, see the activity as woman or man making a phone call or sending out an offer. It takes the focus off the outcome.

Try it. Take a situation that you’re dealing with and distance yourself from it. Man typing on computer. Woman sending a letter. Do you feel the stress starting to dissipate? I wish I could tell you I disassociated on the mountain. I didn’t have the clarity. But I did focus on what was real: I didn’t usually fall off trails. My balance was good. There were no rocks on the path. I got to be with my family on the holiday and our oldest child’s birthday.

The hike down was far more enjoyable than the hike up because I recognized what was real and what was imagined.

Give this a try, let me know how it works out for you.

Jin Shin Jyutsu healing tip: Gently hold your index finger, either one, for a few minutes or longer to help ease fear (false evidence appearing real). The index finger balances bladder and kidney energy. The emotion related to these organs is fear. When practicing Jin Shin Jyutsu, you might twitch, you might hear rumbling in your belly or you might feel sensations elsewhere in the body. This is your energy pathways beginning to balance.

The post Is your fear real or imagined? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

What’s Bothering You Right Now?

barron — Sun, 26 Mar 2023 13:26:28 +0000

.What’s pissing you off? What’s taking you out of a place of evenness?

Is it worth it?

Will you still be thinking about it six hours from now or tomorrow?

Or will it be a new thing that is bothering you?

Earlier in the week, our kitchen faucet had a leak, a leak that flooded the cabinet under the sink and a section of the hardwood floors. The first three plumbers I called said they couldn’t come for at least a week, maybe two. I got frustrated but refused to give up. I made six more phone calls. The next day, I had five plumbers calling to fix it. I was grateful, smiling from ear to ear. Nothing could bother me. Until I discovered the hot and cold faucets were on backwards. As I was turning the faucet on, I thought am I really going to let this bring me down? Two days ago, I didn’t even have a working kitchen sink!

That one question – am I really going to let this bother me – stopped my frustration immediately. It seemed frivolous to get worked up over it and exert precious energy.

An emotion only lasts 90 seconds. It’s our thoughts that extend our emotions longer.

We often forget that this life isn’t guaranteed. We don’t know what will happen from one moment to the next. Do we really want to waste time letting _______ bother us?

Jin Shin Jyutsu self-practice: Gently hold your middle finger, either one for three to twenty minutes, when you feel frustrated or angry. This also helps to open the lower back. While practicing Jin Shin Jyutsu, you might notice your belly gurgling, sensation elsewhere in the body or you might twitch. This is you energy seeking to balance.

The post What’s Bothering You Right Now? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

Are you afraid of the unknown? Consider this….

barron — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 18:26:47 +0000

Many of us are wary of the unknown. We get so used to our days being the same, we think knowing is better.

But the unknown can offer hope and possibility.

I realized this while working on my memoir this week.

I was writing about a time when our son’s prognosis wasn’t good. He was fighting his third cancer at only nine-years old. He was in the hospital and we were waiting two weeks to find out if the chemo was working.

I was spiraling with fear, unable to concentrate or engage with my children or husband. Walking down 2nd Avenue one morning, I had an aha: I could continue as I was or I could believe the treatment was working.

It wasn’t really a choice.

During that two-week period, Christopher couldn’t sleep one night. At 10:30pm, he asked me to go to the playroom. We went down and sat on comfy couches in the dark. Through a large window we could see the city lights. I imagined we were in a hotel room instead of Sloan Kettering. He asked me to tell him a Scooby story. I made him a deal: “I’ll create the story and you do all the voices.” My heart was light as he mimicked the Miner 49, the witch and other villains.

Had I not trusted and found hope and possibility in the unknown, we wouldn’t have had that experience.

Hopefully you’re not dealing with a situation like that.

But what are you waiting to do until you know?

What if not knowing offers a chance to explore, to learn and to live?

The post Are you afraid of the unknown? Consider this…. appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

Have you ever noticed the more we complain, the more negative we become?

barron — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 17:19:15 +0000

Complaining about the weather or politics might not seem like a big deal but complaining becomes a habit and can spill over into other areas of our life, making us more critical about ourselves and others.

According to Jack Canfield, research shows that frequent complaining actually rewires our brain making it harder to clear away negative energy.

When we complain, our body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol is helpful when we are in danger but we don’t want it released in our body on a regular basis as too much can cause high blood pressure, high cholesterol, obesity and more.

How do we stop when we don’t even realize we are doing it?

First, we have to want to stop.

Two, we have to become more aware of our thoughts and practice being more positive. Consider setting a timer for 30 minutes and make a conscious effort during that time to watch your thoughts and stop yourself before you say something negative.

Three, consider a practice of meditation. When we meditate, parts of our brain associated with compassion and self-awareness grow while parts associated with stress shrink according to research from the Massachusetts General Hospital.

Four, consider the words of Maya Angelou, “What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”

If you are interested in reading more posts like this, sign up for my weekly newsletter at https://suzanneabarron.com/

The post Have you ever noticed the more we complain, the more negative we become? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

WHAT IF YOU COULD SHIFT FROM COMPLAINING TO GRATITUDE?

barron — Wed, 07 Oct 2020 21:32:48 +0000

How would your mindset shift? Each experience? Your life? As I shared with my HS students last week, complaining is a habit, one we often don’t even realize that we are doing.

But what if we could create a habit of finding gratitude in each experience? If not in the moment, then reflecting back on it later in the day and writing it down. It’s in our most difficult moments that it’s most needed.

As many of you know, I kept a gratitude journal when Christopher was on chemo. The treatment was long—2 1/2 years—and I knew there would be good experiences I wouldn’t want to forget. Even on particularly hard days, I still looked for things to be grateful for. It might be the boys’ giggles or a hot cup of tea. Writing it down helped to shift my mindset and soften the sharp edges.

Studies show that keeping a gratitude journal improves sleep, reduces stress and helps us to focus on the positive versus the negative, among other benefits.

Want a challenge? Write down 3-5 things a day for a week or 10 days and notice any shifts. Let me know what you experience. You may surprise yourself.

The post WHAT IF YOU COULD SHIFT FROM COMPLAINING TO GRATITUDE? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

DO OUR WOUNDS HELP US OR HINDER US?

barron — Wed, 07 Oct 2020 13:11:54 +0000

Oprah Winfrey tells us, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.” Debbie Ford suggests that we look to see how our wounds have benefited us. That’s a challenge for me because it feels like I’m saying that what happened is okay.

But what if we look at our wounds in a different way? Where have they led us? Where are we now that we might not have been otherwise?

A new wound is delicate and must be honored as such. With an older wound, we can ask ourselves if we wish to continue to carry it around like a heavy backpack weighing us down?

One thing that helped me after Christopher died at 9 was to focus more on the good times than the bad, more on the laughter than the sadness. Of course it took time and an earnest desire to want to be happy again.

Our wounds are likely to crack us open, offering us a strength, a sensitivity and an awareness that we may not have had otherwise. I discovered a strength I didn’t know I possessed.

Many of us wish the wound-causing experience never happened. But we often don’t get that choice. However, we can choose how we respond to it?

Photo Credit: Niklas Tinner

The post DO OUR WOUNDS HELP US OR HINDER US? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

What if Your Anxiety is actually Excitement?

barron — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:16:06 +0000

Okay well not all of it, but some of our excitement is actually mistaken for anxiety, especially when it relates to good things.

Recently I had an idea about an article I wanted to write. I got really excited about the idea. The next day, when I thought about it again, I got another fluttering, but this time it felt more like anxiety.

The first day, I was focused on the possibility; the next day on the roadblocks and what it would take.

But as soon as I realized it, I paused, shined light on the present moment and dropped down into my heart to see more clearly.

The difference between the two times was: the first time I was in my center or alignment and the next day, I was out off center or out of alignment.

So how do we get into alignment when we are feeling anxious and out of sorts? First, reach for one of your thumbs. Yes your thumb. Either one. It helps to ground you and relax your mind. Reaching for my thumb is my go-to whenever I feel anxiety coming on. Hold it gently and then close your eyes and slow your breath by lengthening your exhales slightly longer than your inhales Concentrate on this breath pattern for a few minutes. Next, begin to notice any sounds in your environment while still lengthening your breath. Stay here until your focus is more on the sounds than on your bothersome thought. You can pick one sound if that’s more settling for you.

If you’re questioning how long this whole process will take, I get it. My mind is probably just as active as your’s. But think of it as an investment in you. By taking these few moments or more to return to your center, you will likely be more purposeful when you open your eyes because you will be in alignment. The more you do this, the quicker you’ll transtion through the steps.

Once you feel more even, begin to think about that vision you had without adding any of how-to’s. Imagine it’s already done; you’ve already accomplished whatever you are seeking. Sit with that. What feelings come up for you? Start with satisfaction. How does it feel in your body? Your mind? Feel the excitement as it floods your body. Step into that future now. What choices will you make today? What things will you do? What experiences await you?

The post What if Your Anxiety is actually Excitement? appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.

One Person Can Make A Difference – I Did

barron — Mon, 13 Jul 2020 12:55:34 +0000

It was December, 2016 and one of the doctors on an NBC show, Chicago Fire told a potential donor, ‘bone marrow donation hurts like hell and you’ll feel it for months.”

That simply wasn’t true and I was afraid that type of misinformation on a popular TV show would discourage people from signing up to donate. A nearly perfect donor backed out when my son, Christopher needed a transplant.

I needed to find a way to get in touch with NBC so they would change their storyline. So I got in touch with the National Bone Marrow Registry advising them of the situation and asked them to get in touch with NBC to set the record straight. They did just that and in the next episode the language had been changed saying that a donor would miss only a few shifts vs a few months.

We all have this ability to make a difference. It takes listening to our heart and acting.

The post One Person Can Make A Difference – I Did appeared first on Suzanne A. Barron.